Subject: ? ! Date: 15 Jan 2003
From: Kevin Charbonneau
Paraguay ?
- Dueling is still legal in Paraguay, provided that both parties are blood donors.
- The country's demented history is written in blood. Only three years ago, the Vice President was gunned down by assassins. Who ordered the hit? The President.
- Paraguay's major industry is the smuggling of contraband which is nicknamed mau (because like the secret Mau Mau of Kenya, the stolen cars and drugs, presumably, arrive in the night). Oom poppa oom poppa oom poppa mau mau.
- Asuncíon´s daily newspaper is called the ABC Color. Fun name.
- Though it looks tiny on the map, Paraguay is almost exactly the size of California and somewhat larger than Germany. Unrelatedly: I'd like to see Tony Blair thrash Schroeder´s ass in a dueling contest.
- More than 95-percent of the population live in eastern Paraguay. The western region is known as the Chaco: an extensive, inhospitable plain which is hotter than Hades. Relatedly: The Unification Church recently purchased nearly a million acres of the Chaco, including the entire town of Puerto Casado. Kooky ol´ Moonies. Preparing for their afterlife with a trial run in hell.
- Among Asuncíon´s architectural finds, I've enjoyed the visual contemplation of Palacio de Gobierno. A peaceful affair in comparison with the nineteenth century when it was occupied by the brutal, xenophobic dictator Francia. EL Supremo had ordered that "every person observed gazing at the front of my palace will be shot in the act."
- Praise globalization. This past weekend I was sitting at the Britannia Pub in South America, imbibing an Irish stout, watching the football playoffs from the Estados Unidos, and discussing Middle Eastern politics with a misinformed Finnish bloke. What a world.
- Culinary sample: bori-bori. A chicken soup with cornmeal balls that is more satisfying to pronounce than taste. Street food creativity: This afternoon I savored an enormous bun stuffed with two hotdogs, corn, onions, tomatoes, mayo, sliced carrots, mashed manioc, and topped with crushed potato chips. Recipe available upon request.
- Yesterday, a cute little kid asked me a question in Guaraní. The translation: "Which is better ... Paraguay or Hollywood?" Classic. Since I've never been to La-La-Land, my answer was an enthused ...
Paraguay !
If you're looking for me in the next few weeks ... you might try the Foz do Iguaçu (over 275 different waterfalls that crash from nearly 300 feet in the tri-border region) or the cidade maravilhosa (marvelous city) -- Rio de Janeiro. Adiós, chau, hasta la vista baby.
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